Why did CONTROL matter to you so much then and why now?
He asked. White American cool kid on Crisis line. I said because I didn’t feel loved and nurtured. My need for this hurt me all my life. So I replaced it with power and control of others therefore situations. If I had power over them I had control of their respect and obedience
I needed this more than I needed anything bc this was my happiness I was trying to keep safe and untouchable
Controlling my need to be approved was to be the one who did the approval. Always experienced collective animosity from beta rivals so I knew that came with alpha matriarch personality… which benefits me more than it hurts my progress in more power therefore control is what keeps me isolated from how ppl see me…. Their criticism does not matter if I can fire them or leave them for good and for life….if I can control the amount of hurtful comments about me then I am happy and respected… Unloveable child is asleep for now while momma is out there being an alpha female fighting her mommas voice every day I know she disliked me for a reason she was dislike able and I was her child….. If I can be the powerhouse their hate couldn’t make it to me…… That’s happiness I need and fight for…..I know I am unloveable but I hate to be reminded of my childhood pain